all about him :)

bonjour,

last weekend...

'Cause I'm all about him, him, him, him, him

And he's all about me, me, me, me, me

And we don't give a dang, dang, dang, dang, dang

About nobody-e-e-e

meet moo moo!

you made my day, comot! :)

xoxo

For You I Will...

bonjour,

insecure?

yes, i feel that sometime...

i'm on my way to smile and held my chin high now...

bridge :

If I could dim the lights in the mall

And create a mood I would

Shout out your name so it echos in every room

I would

That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have

For you I will

no need to feel insecure...

i should love myself and be happy about it :)

xoxo

take it or leave it :P

bonjour,

suddenly i'm missing my mom...

actually i dreamed about her last night...

i dreamed she's becoming alive...

ya Allah... what's wrong with me...

i should chill now and smile like nothing's wrong...

this quotes make sense...

it's okay if people call me ugly, or said i'm not that hot as that girl...

because i'm beautiful as the way i am...

take it or leave it...

thank you...

p/s : Beauty is nothing if you have a rotten attitude and personality. Its like a book with a good cover but with senseless story.

xoxo

arggghhh hormones!

bonjour,

two posts in a day? wow!

doesn't matter i just wanna express my feelings...

everything was so good until hormones got unstable! arggghhh!!!

i can feel happy and mad and jealous all at the same time...

i feel fat as well even i skip my dinner today...

i feel ugly!!!!!!! yes, i'm not a hot girl!!! whatever!!!!

no good pictures from me, because i'm fucking ugly as you can see...

small stuff bugs me at this hour...

please, don't hurt my feelings now...

i couldn't handle it... :P

people said PMS stands for "Problem Men Started"...

really?? well, basically no one can joke around when women are having PMS...

it may look not serious, but blame the hormones because it looks serious among girls...

feel like shouting now!!!!!! call me emo or whatever but i just need to let lose...

period pain period pain please go away... +_+

xoxo

i'm like chuck bass?

bonjour,

i'm like chuck bass?

no, i'm not a boy...

and i'm definitely not rich...

but he resembles my life a lot...

he was left by his mom since he was a kid...

well, i was left by my dad since i was a kid...

he lost his dad in car accident...

i lost my mom due to hepatitis...

he is the only child, so do i...

he has to handle all his father's assets on his own...

i have to handle or my mom's asset (not as much as his for sure) on my own...

he always working to make his late father proud of him...

i'm studying my ass off doing CAT/ACCA to make my late mom proud...

he doesn't further his studies in business instead continue his father's business...

i'm not a professional accountant yet (insyaAllah one day) but i am my very own personal accountant handling every penny i have now... (because i'm not that rich)

he was deeply emotional when his dad died, but didn't express it instead he got drunk...

i was emotional when my mom died until i fell asleep and wasn't in the mood to handle all the guests coming to my house that day...

he hold to what he has now so tight and don't wanna lose it because i know he can't handle losing anymore...so do i...

nothing much like chuck bass, but now i understand more about losing the one i love not just anybody by a parent...

and now i'm on my own like chuck bass, guiding myself each day and do all the responsibilities on my own...

i won't sigh or take this as a burden, instead everyday i wake up and i'm ready to face any challenges...

because i've already handled bigger challenge before...

xoxo

wutta day! puff!

bonjour,

wutta tiring day for me!!!!

got two papers of exam today, pufff!

and later that evening i went to service my own car...heeee...

that was my first time i went to service my own car...

i better be more responsible and independent nowadays...

well, as for this week i just wanna chill :)

comot, let's experience this again :)

xoxo

first exam for this year...

bonjour,

haish... a bit stress out with exam...

i can't give 100% of focus right now...

i still have lots of stuff to settle regarding my late mom...

it's all on me... +_+

i hate the fact that my late mom's employer keep stressing me...

doesn't she have any respect and at least give me time to mourn my own mom?

i know i have to settle all those stuff asap but don't push me, will you...?

i guess people will never understand my situation unless they are in it...

(tok che cakap tak kena kat dia lagi, dia tak rasa. esok2 orang buat macam tu plak kat dia)

i'm gonna do it my own way now...

i've got class and exam this week and i should ignore any negative approach...

i still have lots to study...puff!

and i eat a lot lately...

maybe it's because i get tired easily...

well, i need to get back to studies now...

xoxo

typical drama scenes...

bonjour,

i was bored just now...

basically nothing interesting on tv...

and tired of reading text book...

nobody's accompanying me tonight at this very lonely house...

so i went through facebook home page...

and i found lots of people shared this one particular link...

sumpah! lawak!

i like scene number two the most...!

guy : you yang sebenarnya tak tahu yang i tak tahu yang you tahu perasaan i yang you ingat i tak tahu tu. *haha! cam syial

girl : you anak Tan Sri, die anak Dato'. you lagi tinggi. *WTH! :P

guy : tapi sape lagi you sayang? i atau parents you? you cakap dengan i. you cakap dengan i. you cakap dengan i.

haha! it makes me smile for a while...

*well, i should start smiling, even though the world doesn't care much about me...

btw, you guys should watch this...

very typical drama scenes... LOL!

xoxo

p/s : tak sabar nak balik shah alam. saya emo le duk uma sorang2 tak de teman. :'( (literally crying now)

Melancholy February

bonjour,

a poem dedicated to my late mom


I sat there motionless,
Feeling pains that countless,
Tears falling down to the floor,
In this soul… So hollow.

Losing burden rests upon my shoulders,
Is this the feeling I should suffer…?
From the one this heart surrenders.

You and me,
We shared our dreams and laughter,
Pledge to live and die as together,
Nothing in this world even matter,
When you with me, I feel better.

But you… You disappear,
I know nothing could last forever,
It will be sooner, or it will be later,
I just wish you come back and be here.

Wrap these silences around me,
Sorrow and darkness all that I see,
I hope you happy instead of grief,
Looking me touch the pain you left me with.

You’ve reached the sky,
You've said your goodbye,
I will live and try not to cry,
But roses in my heart shall die.

As period swiftly move,
My love for you will extend,
My love needs no prove,
I hope you will understand……



~You make me laughed although I refused to smile~



Hazwan J. Arif ™
9.09 p.m.
9.2.2011
In memory of Pn. Hamidah Hassan


thanks hazwan for the beautiful poem...


xoxo

sunyi.

bonjour,

it's been 3 days since she's gone.

and today everybody had return to their basic routines.

i feel alone today.

only me and my grandma in the house.

nobody to accompany me anymore with smile and laughter.

i guess i'm on my own now finding my own strength.

*sangat sunyi

in memories, 1957-2011

xoxo

maturity...

bonjour,

i'm going home today!!!

super excited! but sad at the same time :(

because there is an issue which have not been settled yet...

a bit bum today, but guess what, nobody's in the room now...

i'm pretty much keep things to myself nowadays... *makan hati

i've mixed around with people who are way younger than me in this hostel...

so basically the lack of maturity shows among them...

they mostly talk about their school 24-7, gossiping about seniors...

i'm like "duhh!" get over yourself, that is so high school...

it's also maybe because they are fresh graduate from high school...

they never experience other stuff, except for being here right now in UiTM...

so they still talk about their past instead of talking to other people who have different background in the present... *bila nak berkembang camtu

people who is lack of maturity always say thing without thinking it through...

they may thought it is a joke, but sometime it hurts...

even though they are messing around but they should ton it down and maybe stop saying the wrong stuff all the time...

*takkan sampai kahwin, ada anak bini/suami still nak cakap benda yang tak patut kan

respect and boundary should be there in every actions...

i guess that happens to lots of people in this globe...

those who are older should advice them...

don't play along with them, but say something if they say or do inappropriate stuff...

i may not be perfect, but i do care about my feelings...

what hurts my feelings may hurt others too...

some people ignore our pains, because they've never been in that situation before...

and i have my friend who is older than me that always advice me too...

maturity may take times to develop, but don't take it too long...

we don't have forever...

p/s : i hope my mum will get well and get out of the ward asap.

xoxo